Long Term Relationship But Not In Love

Dear Miss Bronx,

The foundation to any relationship is built upon TRUST, HONESTY and COMMUNICATION without these crucial elements it is destined to fail. I think you are on the right path. You have been HONEST with yourself about the feelings you are having and now you have to TRUST yourself to do the right thing. Seeking help to deal with such sensitive issues was a great first step. I would encourage you to remember relationships are never easy they require much work and patience. Have you identified the things that may have brought you to this point in your relationship? If you have fallen out of love with your boyfriend do you understand why?? Is the problem beyond repair? Have you shared these feelings with your partner? If the answer to these questions is no; I suggest you open up and allow him to respond to the situation.

Sometimes as women, we make the mistake to think that men handle and look at things the way we do. It may very well be that he is oblivious to the problem. He may think everything is great therefore nothing will change and the resentment will continue to build. I think it’s important to clearly COMMUNICATE your feelings whether you are choosing to leave the relationship or hoping to work it out.

Furthermore, you cannot stay with someone because you are led to believe that they cannot survive without you. If your boyfriend has said or done something that makes you believe he will harm himself because you leave then it’s quite obvious there are greater issues he must deal with. You can be a support to him and help him seek some professional help to deal with these feelings but you should not feel tied to him because of it. Doing so can lead to a co-dependant, unhealthy, manipulative relationship one which would do more harm than good to both parties. I would also urge you to refrain from acting on the feelings you are having for the other person until this matter has been resolved. You have a lot on the plate in front of you and the other person may be a distraction to you being able to get to the root of the problem. Taking this person out of the equation while you work through your current situation will guarantee you can devote full attention to the matter at hand and will rid you of any guilt you might have because of it. I do hope that something I said has helped you. Never forget that it always helps to have a support system when dealing with important decisions. Thank you for trusting me with your issue.